yes, it's true. we are pregnant again. in some ways, i knew it had to be. in other ways, i'm still in surreal-can-this-really-be-true world. that plus sign came up quick and strong! there's no doubt about it! i've already had many thoughts running through my mind with this pregnancy. in some moments, i think of course we'll have four. the next one will fit right in and our family will be complete. in other moments, like tonight, when utter chaos is erupting, i wonder how it will all work out. but to be honest, the first set of thoughts win out most of the time. with each addition, there's been a sense of ease that's come with it. not that it's been easy per say, but a sense of comfort, familiarity. it makes me look forward to the arrival and introduction of #4 to the rest of the family, with excitement and not fear, joy and not anxiety.
though i had to admit there is already cause for some potential anxiety. as many will recall, the two older kids and i got hand, foot, and mouth disease last summer (aka: the coxsackie virus). because of it, i was deemed high risk and went through quite a roller coaster of emotions, wondering if i'd ever meet my little boy at all. i can't tell you how many times i rock maurice now, holding him tight against my chest, and praise God i get to hold him. God protected him from that virus crossing the placenta. Yet, now, nearly 11 months later, my little reese has the horrid hand, foot, and mouth, as does isaac. reese has it worse though. but the thought occurred to me tonight...God spared him from it in the womb, and allowed him to get it now, that he's strong enough to fight it off. what a wonderful God we serve! and yes, the inevitable thought is then...what? do i have it? so far, so good. i have no signs of it. i'm praying it stays that way. whether just exposure to the virus or actually getting it AGAIN while pregnant...at least the Lord has already walked me down this road once before. i pray i don't lean on a self-sufficient mindset and think i can get myself through all by myself. but there is that familiarity again, that God has given in holding my hand down this road once before.
i can't wait to see this new little one in my belly...and just catch a glimpse! june (or may) will be here before we know it. until then, i pray my boys heal quickly from this blasted virus, the rest of my family is spared from it, that God would prepare all of us for the transition of another baloche, and for tonight...that all would sleep uninterrupted until morning. good night all.
